Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
