I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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