So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
