Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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