Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
