I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
