He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
