Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
