The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
