i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
