who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
