3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
