Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
