alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
