i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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