i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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