I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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