My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
