I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
