I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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