She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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