I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's blow job season.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
