Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His hands were made for my vagina.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
