I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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