So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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