I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
