Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
