lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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