Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
