hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
