i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
