apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
