dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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