You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
