my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
4 words: hood of his car
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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