My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is my gift to your gina
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
