My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
