the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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