yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
