Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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