Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
