Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pants are for mortals
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
