It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My feet surprised me
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