I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry my hands just texted you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
