What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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