I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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