Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
