ADVERTISEMENT

• (386): View more from Florida

  Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  You're going home with him aren't you?

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house

  Fav 12 1541 3187

  share tweet
  

• (805): View more from California

  omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now

  (1-805): View more from California

  he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls

  Fav 82 5209 1582

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (706): View more from Georgia

  Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.

  Fav 13 6368 1473

  share tweet
  

• (863): View more from Florida

  if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed

  Fav 8 5730 1109

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"

  Fav 3 1254 560

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.

  Fav 1 574 820

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (210): View more from Texas

  I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer

  Fav 2 433 587

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?

  Fav 0 24 34

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.

  Fav 1 27 5

  share tweet
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.

  Fav 0 65 12

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face

  Fav 0 69 4

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (480): View more from Arizona

  This may sound strange but do you have my pants?

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...

  Fav 0 40 6

  share tweet
  

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  so i won

  Fav 0 50 21

  share tweet
  

• (469): View more from Texas

  You sent me a very drunk love letter

  (214): View more from Texas

  Was it the one about pterodactyls?

  (469): View more from Texas

  I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me

  Fav 0 13 22

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.

  Fav 0 41 21

  share tweet
  

Randomize