My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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