Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
