I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
