I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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