i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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