Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
