Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want nice things and good sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
