What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
