you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
