please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
