tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
