On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sarcasm needs its own font
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
