The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
