my phone needs a breathalizer
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
