i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
