I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize